I still don't have all the answers, but I have reached a point of clarity (this clarity could be temporary, but it feels good for now). The truth is, when you are in the "real world" , you are told what it means to be an adult, but no one really tells you how to get there and still have your sanity. For example, you are told to get a job, pay your bills, live on your own etc. But what about the fact that your job shouldn't feel like a prison, but because you HAVE to work as an adult, you stay at your job and slowly die a little each hour that ticks by. No one should want or have to work for a pay check, you should also want to work for fulfillment, joy and pleasure. I mean, what's the use of getting up, going to work and then not even enjoying the fruits of your labor? So when you start to ask yourself these questions, you begin to feel crazy. But you aren't, trust me. It is normal to wonder about these things and it is normal to not want to live your life based on what society is telling you to do. Hence, your 20's- the time for you to figure it all out. I am in no way saying do not work, I am just saying do work in shit you do like to do and if you don't know what you like to do, try some shit out till something fits.
Don't feel like you are the only who doesn't have their "shit together". I know people in their 50's who don't have their shit together. Point is, does anyone every really have their entire life together? I don't think they do. I think, at best, you reach a point where you are content with what you have done with yourself. To get to that point though, you have to establish a foundation. Your foundation is important, it is what you will stand on and is ultimately a large part of who you are. Your foundation is what you should be trying to accomplish right now. All you need is a baseline, something firm at its core, but allows for changes and modifications. Life happens, so everything is subject to change, but if you have a baseline, then you have something to go back to. Your foundation should be your own beliefs, wants, needs and desires for your life. Its crazy how quickly we forget that only we can live our lives for ourselves. I know that is easier said than done, hell I struggle with it every day, but its possible and necessary. Once you create your own code to live by and start doing that, I think we will find that we feel much better about our choices and direction.
We have to remember to be grateful for what we have and not harp on everything wrong occurring at the time. This is something I tend to do- like a lot. One little thing goes wrong, and I'm downing drinks at a local bar talking about "Woe is me. Lawd take me now!!". Of course, the next day (or realistically, a few days later) something amazing happens and I'm tap dancing in my closet, having a private party. Point is, LIFE has ups and down, but shit don't stay down forever. Everything is going to be OK, it has to be. However, I know that doesn't change the fact that some days you wake up just not knowing what the fuck you are doing here on this planet. I just spoke to a friend last night and explained to her that some days I wake up and feel completely disorientated. You know like when you wake form a crazy dream and look around trying to figure out if you are in your home, in your bed? Yea, its happens man. The key thing though, is 1) I am not alone in this and neither are you and 2) Every now and again, you have to re-adjust and re-focus. With that said, when things start to look like shit on a stick, just try to change your perspective on things, formulate your next move and make your play. If it works, Bang Bang- you are in there. If not, try something else.
No one knows what they are doing, just some people are better at making it LOOK like they do more than others. I mean really, there isn't a manual on how to do shit. No one can tell you how to be the perfect parent, or student, or person. Those are all things you have to do for yourself and once you are grounded in something that makes you feel good, then I think you are off to a good start. Just remember, you can't please everyone, so you might as well at least make sure YOU are taken care of at the end of the day. Embrace the confusion! Sounds strange but think about it-the more you resist, the harder it will be for you to get out. Its like quick sand or whatever- you fall in that shit and if you struggle, you sink faster. Try to be still, look around for something to pull yourself out. Got it? Good! Not everyday will be sunny, some days its gonna rain like shit. Just break out the umbrella and rain boots. If you don't have any, then you are fucked!! Sike. Find a place to chill until the storm passes. Ya dig? The 20's will be over soon enough, then we can worry about the fucking 30's and what the hell all that means.
Be Love, Peace and Light Ya'll
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